Can you say 'modesty' without the smirk and rolling eyes?

I've been coming across the word "modesty" more often during the past few months, and I tend to think it's due to the apparent backlash of feminism that has people looking at just what has happened to our society, especially when you look at the women. I'm not even referring to manner of dressing yet, but more of the values that are guiding their action, their speech and, yes, their choice of clothes and the way they carry these. Saying that modesty has been lacking is, I believe, not an inaccurate statement in this case.

Lately, feminism has been taking a beating and this is hugely because the spread of feminist ideas has resulted in the very opposite of women's liberation, which is what so many misguided proponents said and still say feminism has achieved and continues to advance.

And here I go again, attributing much of the societal damage to mass media. First of all, it's true -- media in this day and age is largely responsible for the perpetuation of ideas (both constructive and destructive) especially when the idea is deftly presented as something that will make you feel happy, free, strong, fabulously independent and/or desirable. The result: girls imitating what they see, whether it's a baby tee with "Porn star" flashed across the chest, the monthly boyfriend roulette, the spirit of abandon guiding underwear ads, or the whole attitude behind the "Sex Bomb Dancers" trend. An example:

Mothers who come into my office frequently express doubt about their own judgment, not knowing where to draw the line when their daughters dress provocatively. Girls, meanwhile, freely admit that they are only aping what they see in the media. One young woman told me, "I love 'Sex and the City,' but I know it's contributed" to the problem. " Desperate Housewives" does, too.

Believe me, people behind magazines, ads and TV programming know how to make practically anything -- even the trashiest, most indecent fashion styles and intrinsically wicked ideas -- look good and spend tons of money to do research to get better at it! Is this the part where someone interjects, "Decency is subjective, and one's choices from clothes to lifestyle are a personal matter"? True, and if this subjectivity is what's guiding you to believe that wearing that cleavage-baring top is a sign of strength and real girl power, um...invest in a shawl first and then read the rest of this post.

Here's something from a fabulous article titled "Deconstructing Dowd" which I love and came across at a website called The Modesty Zone but which, unfortunately, I can't find anywhere anymore (I should have saved the entire piece):

It is not a career that will make a woman feel good enough about herself so that she won't feel the need to put her body on display in vulgar and boorish ways, nor is it picking up the tab on a date. Neither one will make a man—or another woman—respect her more, as a person. Neither will make her a more desirable partner or mate. The only thing that is really going to make a difference in the day-to-day gender politics we all face, is when women decide that their true worth is inside of them, not outside, and then behave and dress accordingly.

But this is the clincher for me:

What Dowd and other writers fail to realize is that there is an assertiveness that comes with modesty—but it is a quiet self confidence that allows women to stand firm with who she is. That's more attractive and powerful than any Maxim cover, but it is also something that most modern feminists have ignored.

Oh, that paragraph up there that mentioned "Sex and the City" didn't come from the same article but another one, published in The Washington Post. I must warn you though -- it's hard not to keep reading paragraph after paragraph. The writer, Patricia Dalton, is a clinical psychologist, and I sure would love to have her in my neighborhood when I start raising daughters of my own. If you're a mom, you'll be reassured -- and given witty ideas -- by her article, What's wrong with this outfit, Mom? But even if you're the daughter, the son, the dad, the grandma, grandpa, best friend, boyfriend...check it out if you want something that's not the typical read.