Modesty aside...

I've been thinking about modesty lately -- specifically, trying to think of another word that means almost the same thing. It seems that this word has become misunderstood, that if I talked to another girl about it and we happened to not be on the same page about things pertaining to love, relationships, character and virtues, she may react as if I had said "chastity belt" or something equally antiquated.

Thing is, though "modest" often refers to clothing styles and manner of dressing, it can go far beyond that to include speech, behavior, thought. I won't even go into that here, but I will share this piece that I stumbled on once again while roaming Modesty Zone, that site I used to go to when in search of delightfully counter-cultural ideas. Talk about non-conformity! Definitely stuff one wouldn't see in mainstream media.

Here's an excerpt from the piece titled "Confessions of a former hoochi mama":

I began to realize that in my "hoochi mama" days, instead of showing off my cool new figure, I was actually degrading it by making it so easily accessible to any viewer. Despite some of the protests of my friends, I began to realize that modesty is not about sexual shame or a negative attitude toward the body; instead it is very much pro-body and pro-woman. Who knew?

Another thing I learned was that the word modesty, in its origin, simply means "to moderate." When St. Thomas Aquinas deals with modesty in the Summa Theologiae he links it to the virtue of prudence. Between moderation and prudence, we can thus understand better how to deal with modesty in this day and age where there are so few guidelines concerning dress. To me, applying moderation to this concept means that on the sliding scale of today's fashions the modest girl will land somewhere in between the prude and the exhibitionist.

...

When women of the sixties and seventies were encouraged to take on a more male nature, they abandoned and, in some cases, suppressed the beauty of female nature. By nature I don't mean the body per se, but rather what is greatest about women: things like compassion, fidelity, warmth, and a capacity to nurture. But today we are to suppress all these virtues, and be feminine in body only.

Read the whole thing here

It won't stop at the 'Porn Star' tshirts

Can't think of anything else to say about this item, so I'll just get right to it.

British toy retailer Tesco comes up with something for kids aged 5-7 years. Then advertises the product on its website with "Unleash the sex kitten inside..."?? The £49.97 kit comprises a chrome pole extendible to 8ft 6ins, a 'sexy dance garter' and a DVD demonstrating suggestive dance moves.

Thank God the company has been condemned for selling the pole-dancing toy (I think the product has been removed from the company's direct sales site).

More links to the issue at Feminine Genius. Modestly Yours also discusses the matter here.

The wild & the mild

This morning I had been working on a post for over an hour when my pc froze. There was nothing to do but reboot, which would have been okay except my post had no draft saved. Too discouraged to start all over again, I restarted my pc and proceeded on non-blogging business, till now (5 hours later). That post will be for another day perhaps, as it was quite lengthy already before the freezing happened.

Here's a great idea translated into reality! A month or two ago, some commenters on Modestly Yours were talking about t-shirts with witty messages splashed on the front. Angles like shock value, flirty one-liners, provocation and the politics of fashion were "dissected" albeit in a light-hearted manner -- all because of a red t-shirt someone saw some guy wearing in the subway, if I remember correctly. Needless to say, what's emblazoned on said shirt is not the kind that would elicit an appreciative response from any decent woman who knows her worth! Anyway, "what would you like to see on a shirt?" or something like that was posted by a commenter, and Wendy was toying with an idea for if she could actually produce the tees. Well, it was apparently more than a shot in the dark because...here it is!




On the back it reads:

Be daring. Keep your shirt on.
www.modestyzone.net

Recognize the parody? Anyway, besides tops of different styles and colors, other neat products bearing the "Girls Gone Mild" theme are mouse pads, mugs, coasters.

Check out some more cool merchandise here (see why they're "fake," tee-hee!!).

Can you say 'modesty' without the smirk and rolling eyes?

I've been coming across the word "modesty" more often during the past few months, and I tend to think it's due to the apparent backlash of feminism that has people looking at just what has happened to our society, especially when you look at the women. I'm not even referring to manner of dressing yet, but more of the values that are guiding their action, their speech and, yes, their choice of clothes and the way they carry these. Saying that modesty has been lacking is, I believe, not an inaccurate statement in this case.

Lately, feminism has been taking a beating and this is hugely because the spread of feminist ideas has resulted in the very opposite of women's liberation, which is what so many misguided proponents said and still say feminism has achieved and continues to advance.

And here I go again, attributing much of the societal damage to mass media. First of all, it's true -- media in this day and age is largely responsible for the perpetuation of ideas (both constructive and destructive) especially when the idea is deftly presented as something that will make you feel happy, free, strong, fabulously independent and/or desirable. The result: girls imitating what they see, whether it's a baby tee with "Porn star" flashed across the chest, the monthly boyfriend roulette, the spirit of abandon guiding underwear ads, or the whole attitude behind the "Sex Bomb Dancers" trend. An example:

Mothers who come into my office frequently express doubt about their own judgment, not knowing where to draw the line when their daughters dress provocatively. Girls, meanwhile, freely admit that they are only aping what they see in the media. One young woman told me, "I love 'Sex and the City,' but I know it's contributed" to the problem. " Desperate Housewives" does, too.

Believe me, people behind magazines, ads and TV programming know how to make practically anything -- even the trashiest, most indecent fashion styles and intrinsically wicked ideas -- look good and spend tons of money to do research to get better at it! Is this the part where someone interjects, "Decency is subjective, and one's choices from clothes to lifestyle are a personal matter"? True, and if this subjectivity is what's guiding you to believe that wearing that cleavage-baring top is a sign of strength and real girl power, um...invest in a shawl first and then read the rest of this post.

Here's something from a fabulous article titled "Deconstructing Dowd" which I love and came across at a website called The Modesty Zone but which, unfortunately, I can't find anywhere anymore (I should have saved the entire piece):

It is not a career that will make a woman feel good enough about herself so that she won't feel the need to put her body on display in vulgar and boorish ways, nor is it picking up the tab on a date. Neither one will make a man—or another woman—respect her more, as a person. Neither will make her a more desirable partner or mate. The only thing that is really going to make a difference in the day-to-day gender politics we all face, is when women decide that their true worth is inside of them, not outside, and then behave and dress accordingly.

But this is the clincher for me:

What Dowd and other writers fail to realize is that there is an assertiveness that comes with modesty—but it is a quiet self confidence that allows women to stand firm with who she is. That's more attractive and powerful than any Maxim cover, but it is also something that most modern feminists have ignored.

Oh, that paragraph up there that mentioned "Sex and the City" didn't come from the same article but another one, published in The Washington Post. I must warn you though -- it's hard not to keep reading paragraph after paragraph. The writer, Patricia Dalton, is a clinical psychologist, and I sure would love to have her in my neighborhood when I start raising daughters of my own. If you're a mom, you'll be reassured -- and given witty ideas -- by her article, What's wrong with this outfit, Mom? But even if you're the daughter, the son, the dad, the grandma, grandpa, best friend, boyfriend...check it out if you want something that's not the typical read.