When it's love that saves the day (or the kid)

A brood of 6 boys welcomes baby sister!

"She is cuter than I thought she would be."

That's what one of the six boys of Stephen and Cher Lair remarked with adorable candidness, referring to his new baby sister, whom he and the rest of the family welcomed in August with much anticipation. One of my sisters pointed out that the whole thing is quite impressive -- for one thing because we rarely come across instances (in mass media anyway) of young children in a family demonstrating such other-centered traits, "and they're boys at that," she added. Well, let me just leave it at that and let you read the story or watch the video (or both). It is quite uplifting even without the cuteness of the little boys.

Check out the video

Giving the "friend" role a rest

"Do as I do"

Choosing tangible connections

In this day and age in which a remarkable chunk of society seems almost obsessed with social media, and mainstream culture is influenced way too much by trends on Facebook, Twitter and other networking sites, it's refreshing to hear about someone -- and a high-profile individual at that -- who doesn't go for the whole "I'll broadcast my idea on Twitterdom" thing and to hear her explain it so simply.

Going beyond "nuthin' we can do about it"

When one comes across weird or scandalous news from time to time, there's the danger of getting so accustomed to such things that hardly is any repugnance or even aversion experienced with each story read and each anecdote heard. In other words, what are basically manifestations of perversion might eventually be viewed by many as normal or even commendable. But I have faith in humanity so here I am, sharing links to stories that reflect the direction society is heading. Though truth and goodness prevail most of the time, let's not lose our footing by adopting a mindset along the lines of "That's the way life is, nothin' we can do about it!" when we do hear of unfortunate incidents. No, no. Unless you throw in the towel and allow a defeatist attitude to guide your days, these stories are merely reminders of our mission. What mission, you ask? Well, only you can answer that because each is a unique individual for which the Maker has made a unique game plan. Have you figured out what yours is? After all, as someone once uttered, "What man is a man who does not make the world better?"

Never mind if that intro I just wrote has nothing to do with the stories below, which are fairly recent. I just hope you became aware that we can't simply turn a blind eye to these things happening around us and act as if life is all about living a me-first existence.

Family sues because nursing home won't starve mother to death

Lesbian couple gives adopted son hormone-blockers to make him a girl

Euthanasia out of control: Belgian transsexual euthanized after botched sex change

Two pages from the past

Borrowing a few old issues of Baby magazine from Petrufied led to a brief reminiscence. After poring over the pages, I recalled experiences which showed that being part of such a project was such a privilege. Charming babies aside, it was the aim to support, guide and inspire young parents (and entertain them along the way) that kept us grounded in our responsibility.

I haven't even bothered to count how many editorial notes I wrote in my four years at Baby, but even if just a handful of readers found any of them helpful in any way, I'm happy. Here are two of my favorites. The second one I remember well since a mother wrote us and said that she didn't even wait to get out of the bookstore to tear open the plastic wrap carrying the magazine, as the issue theme -- Babies with special needs -- was relevant to her family's circumstances. Was I touched to know that the note I wrote drove her to tears -- in a good way, I believe.

Reading both notes below -- written in 2011 and 2008, respectively -- made me realize they both dwell on that most important element in life: love. Well, what can I say? It does make the world go round as it is the essence of life for anyone who aims to live and not merely exist.

If you'd like a glimpse of the Beatles-inspired cover, here it is.

Finding love here, there & everywhere

When two of my US-based nieces were toddlers, their parents flew them over to spend six months with us Manila-based folks. During that time, one of the things that we occasionally did was sing together while someone accompanied the singing on the piano. Tammy and Michelle had a jolly good time every time, no matter what the songs or how off-key we got. But there were two songs that had the sisters rapt in attention whenever these were belted out. Michelle gazed in wonder as soon as she heard "Michelle, ma belle, these are words that go together well, my Michelle..." and sat, fascinated, sometimes bobbing her head, till the end. Tammy gave more or less the same reaction whenever we'd launch into an old Debbie Reynolds song (actually, it was my mom who knew it and the rest of us just sort of hummed along) called "Tammy," probably fascinated how her name figured into a "real" song.

Perhaps having their "very own song" sung to them felt like another manifestation of how the world revolved around them, which is somewhat how young children see life -- which is how each of us starts out till we gradually mature with the help of our parents into learning to adjust to the big world of which we are part. Dwelling on this memory now makes me think about love and how a person who believes the world revolves around him would find it difficult to love. Why? Because the essence of love is being other-centered, and what has a self-centered grownup to offer others if he is always absorbed in satisfying his own wants and needs? Sure, affection, understanding, laughter, gifts, sympathy, forgiveness -- these are elements that are part of the good relationships anyone (self-absorbed or not) maintains with loved ones. But genuine love is much more than that, and it's one thing to love when everything is smooth-sailing, and another to love during the times when it becomes difficult to do so.

I'm pretty sure we're addressing some real concerns in this issue that you parents have in mind. Responsible parenting has been an "explosive" issue lately and we hope our take on natural family planning in "Recipe for success: The Billings Ovulation Method -- What? Why? How?" (page 22) empowers you to know more about your fertility, understand yourself and your spouse, and see how God has wonderfully designed the human body and taken care of everything so that -- if we do our part -- even our health is protected when we let nature take its course. Also along the lines of good health are "The bedtime story: Is sex during pregnancy safe for mom and baby?" (page 24) and "A perfect (and healthy!) Valentine's date (page 28), both delving on crucial matters as well. Whether the situation with your spouse right now has you singing the Beatles' "All my loving," "Please please me," or "We can work it out," you're going to have to learn these matters sometime, so you can start right on our pages!

Now, if dealing with your in-laws has your musical radar reflecting the likes of "Help!" and "Give peace a chance," by all means sing your heart out! But do turn to page 57 while you're at it and be heartened by "Happy ever after... with your in-laws" and know that there is always a way to make things better.

Love starts out simple -- we are, after all, created to love -- but gets complicated along the way. However, since it's how much we've loved that matters in the end, shouldn't our days' soundtrack run along the lines of "...I don't care too much for money, money can't buy me love"? Then, amid the challenges with the spouse, the kids, the in-laws and everything in between, will you be able to sing "In my life, I've loved them all..."? 

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"Kahit ano, basta normal"

One of the punishments that come with watching interviews with celebrities on local television is listening to mundane questions, to which are often given just as mundane answers. Besides the standard "What's your wish for (celeb's name) on her birthday?" "Sino ang gusto mong maging leading man/woman?" and standard lines such as "Sana po panoorin n'yo ang (movie title), napakagandang pelikula," there's one line I'd been hearing for years that I always found strange, even as a 10-, 11-year-old. It's the title up there, which was the reply often given by pregnant or newlywed guests to hosts who had just asked "Ano'ng gusto mo, boy o girl?"

After hearing the answer, I'd always wonder, "Pa'no kung hindi normal, hindi niya mamahalin ang anak niya?"

Well, I think nobody on the verge of parenthood asks to be given a child with mental, physical or developmental disabilities (save for a handful of couples in the United States I have read about who have purposely selected babies with Down Syndrome for adoption, prompted by compassion and a desire to give more of themselves to the demands of parenthood), but I couldn't help but think -- even as a child -- that something was very wrong about making a declaration like "Kahit ano, basta normal" (and for the entire viewing public to hear at that). 

It's not that I was touchy about having  a sister who has Down Syndrome (DS). If I were, I probably wouldn't have grown up gleefully pointing out to her the little girl with DS on those Sesame Street episodes every time she appeared, or delightedly told my older siblings repeatedly that the girl hobnobbing with the muppets or Maria and Bob looked so much like our sister.

People with DS, autism, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), dyslexia, and several other conditions have come to be called "special needs" persons. "Special children" is how others refer to the little ones. Giftedness falls under the category of special needs as well because dealing with a gifted child does present with it unconventional situations that require special approaches and courses of action.

But then the human race isn't composed of automated robots; who, then, isn't special in one way or another? Some need lenses to read, others carry on with food allergies, a scoliotic condition or difficult pregnancies. There are those who deal with phobias, or have "photographic memories" or tower over the rest of the population at over 6 feet. Whether it's physical, mental or psychological, individual differences have always been there. It's only in our time that the term "special needs" came into vogue.

Also during our time, a lot of headway has been made in terms of research, evaluation and treatment. In this issue of Baby, you'll read accounts of families who have taken advantage of this wealth of information and other resources now at our disposal. We would've wanted to fill these pages with medical information and all there is to learn about special conditions. But I think what will have more of an impact are stories of real people who are experiencing the challenges of parenthood under special circumstances, how they're turning perceived obstacles into stepping stones, and what practical steps they've taken to address their particular situations.

Individual differences indeed we have. A person with special needs, however, such as those with conditions I've mentioned, carries in himself the same dignity as the next person. Being born with DS or autism or an extremely high IQ does not in any way diminish one's worth as a human being; being entrusted with a special-needs child can certainly increase a parent's capacity to love, sometimes even surpassing one's expectations. So, if you find yourself wondering (maybe lamenting?) why -- of all mothers -- a special child was given to you, it's possible it has something to do with love (lots of it) that you didn't know you had in you, a child who needs it in a way that only you can give.

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A life lesson... and a quasi-pep talk from a dad

There's no need for caped superheroes or impressive military generals in movies uttering pep talks on this basic principle in life to underscore how true it is.

 

Wouldn't children turn out to be healthier, happier and more responsible adults if they grew up being ingrained with this fact? Seeing this graphic reminded me of an article someone shared on Facebook. Here's an excerpt:

We bought into the philosophy that children needed unlimited self-esteem, maximum freedom and minimal pressure to succeed in life or contribute to society. We taught our kids to think of themselves as entitled and to see themselves as the center of the universe. Now instead of parents having expectations of their children, children have expectations of how their parents are supposed to behave. We're here to serve them, to make their lives as comfortable and convenient as possible.

Read Fathers, stop coddling your children

Parents, you're doing a great job. If you think you aren't, well, now is a good time to shape up -- especially if you'd like to do a better job of guiding your kids. Have faith in your capabilities (even if you falter at times)! And remember...

Just say the word

The way the next generation turns out depends much on us. We don't and can't deal with all the kids in the world, and that's not what we're meant to do. So start with those around you -- your own, or those in your care or under your supervision.

What do your words show to the people -- children and grown-ups -- around you?

Beyond the mirror

My mother and I cast our votes for the mid-term elections days ago. She was done ahead of me, and when I walked over to where she was conversing with an amiable-looking elderly couple, she mentioned that the gentleman knew my dad. I'm always delighted when I meet old friends and colleagues of my parents, especially those who knew them from childhood and have funny stories to share.

"You look like your father," the gentleman quietly remarked, smiling.

Hearing this always gives me a kind of reassurance that I don't really understand. I'm already aware that I resemble my father. Still, hearing other people say it -- especially after he died -- strikes a special chord in me each time.

There was even a time in which someone -- who it was and what the circumstances were escape me now -- told me, "You really are your father's daughter." The sentiment was not one of disappointment but something definitely positive, and so how can one not be pleased by such an observation? Is affirmation the accurate word? It's somewhat like that expression about the nail that sealed the coffin shut, only the opposite sentiment. I hope that makes sense. Anyway, to anyone who feels the same way about being told she is so much like her mom or dad -- and her response is one of delight -- this would probably make perfect sense.

Pleasing though it is to be told of such a reassuring comparison, I can think of something that can send one soaring to new heights. Merely thinking about it already gives me the heebeejeebees (in a good way).

I hope in some way, though it seems an impossibility, I could experience being told, "You really are your Father's daughter," referring not to an earthly father but to the heavenly one. I wonder how that would feel!

Fast forward

If there's a will...

... one always looks for a way. This dad found one.

If 'there be dragons'...

... brandish your sword and slay them! That would be the classic response -- if one were dealing with the kind that breathed fire and challenged lion-hearted gentlemen in pursuit of a mission.

But 'dragons' in the movie I was fortunate to watch in its advance screening pertained to nothing of the sort. Pursuit of missions, however, and the call to be lion-hearted in some way were indeed somewhere in there.

There Be Dragons, written and directed by the same man behind the acclaimed The Mission and The Killing Fields, revolves around the life of a saint who lived and died not too long ago -- the 1900s -- thereby making the situations he experienced and the circumstances he found himself in not too different from today's. I take some kind of reassurance from the fact that this "saint of the ordinary" (as St. Josemaria Escriva has come to be known) lived through contemporary music and cinematic trends, had a glimpse of the uniting effect of things such as the Olympic games, saw how nations became divided during the 20th century's two world wars, and basically saw the changing lifestyles of families and entire societies before he died in 1975. But through it all, he lived his faith and showed us the way to do it -- and he was right in the middle of the modern world, not behind some monastery's walls centuries ago.

In fact, in the movie Escriva is set against the backdrop of the Spanish Civil war of the 1930s and though not really a war movie, There Be Dragons brings out a number of elements that result from man turning against fellow countryman. One scene that I find immensely striking depicts the Spanish priest and his companions after they witness the execution of another priest -- Fr. Lazaro -- by the anti-clerical Republicans. The contrast in how they respond to the scene they had just witnessed is fascinating, with everyone understandably enraged by the injustice happening around them, and everyone except Escriva calling the murderers "swines." The priest acknowledges their fury but points out things they need to hear.

"Not swines -- men, like us."

"Men?! What did Fr. Lazaro ever offer them but love?!"

"We have to pray, first pray for Fr. Lazaro and then for his murderers."

"But they're murderers, and they took pleasure in it!"

And Escriva confronts the young man, quite forcefully: "What do you want to do to them if you could, truthfully, and wouldn't you take pleasure in it?"

Faith is a gift, he tells his disheartened companions, "and God has called us to manifest it in love here on earth. Unwavering love for every child of God no matter who it is, no matter what side, no matter what circumstances."

"Even when they are wrong?" one of them asks, incredulous.

"Yes! Even if they are wrong."

Tall order? Certainly, and it is this theme of love and forgiveness -- even when circumstances make them nearly impossible -- that resonated with me. These days, when the news day after day is about shootings, bombings, insurgents killing hostages, fathers taking their children's lives, and siblings fighting over seemingly petty things, forgiveness sounds like such an alien idea. So, hearing words such as those uttered by the Spanish priest in the film was a welcome and refreshing change. And, it doesn't stop there, for the movie also shows how the power of forgiveness breaks the chains of the past.

Much as St. Josemaria is the central character, it is his friend Manolo Torres who comes out being the focus as the story unfolds, for it is around Manolo and his son, Roberto, that much of the story's crucial elements revolve (let me point out that writer and director Roland Joffe wrote the fictional father and son characters into the story). It is, after all, the journalist Roberto who sets off doing research on Escriva for a book and inadvertently makes discoveries linking the priest to his father. The synopsis actually shows partly why the tagline being used for the movie is those words attributed to Oscar Wilde -- "Every saint has a past. Every sinner has a future." Okay, it's a bit unusual that I'm providing the synopsis midway through this piece, but here it is just the same:

The film tells the story of London-based investigative journalist Roberto Torres (Dougray Scott), who visits Spain to research a book about Josemaría Escrivá (Charlie Cox), the controversial founder of Opus Dei. But, Roberto hits a wall, both professionally and personally, when his most promising source—his own father, Manolo Torres (Wes Bentley) turns out to be his least cooperative one. Roberto begins to unearth his father’s toxic secrets when he learns that Manolo was not only born in the same Spanish town as Josemaría, but, that they were childhood friends and attended the same seminary. The two men take radically different paths in life, with Josemaría dedicating his life to his faith while Manolo is swept into the brutal and tumultuous Spanish Civil War. Manolo descends into a dangerous and jealous obsession when the beautiful Hungarian revolutionary Ildiko (Olga Kurylenko) doesn’t return his affections and instead gives herself to the courageous military leader, Oriol (Rodrigo Santoro).

As Roberto continues to unearth the secrets of Josemaría’s life and Manolo’s mysterious anger, their overlapping journeys are revealed with the truths and sorrows of their past choices, which compels Manolo to confront his own secret with one last opportunity of forgiveness.

Intriguing, huh? It suffices to say that the film is mighty unpredictable. Let me say, too, that parents will find in the story moving scenes that zero in on the need to forgive and ask for forgiveness not only in matters concerning social and political struggles, but in terms of their relationships within the family. As someone in the movie said, "When you forgive, you set someone free -- yourself."

A week or so after watching the premiere, I chanced upon a YouTube video that had someone involved in the movie's production saying that There Be Dragons isn't for any sole group of people, like only for believers or only for Asians. The movie is "100% about humanity" and it touched the hearts of everyone on whom the producers "tested" the film. Even director Joffe said that it's a story for "every human being" -- who feels, who thinks, who has a family, who feels angry, feels the need for revenge, who feels love, wants love or needs love. Well, is there anyone who has not felt infuriated or who does not yearn to be loved, even just a little bit? Now, after thinking more about the film, I agree that it is for everyone -- because the sentiments presented in it and the struggles that all of us wrestle with at some point in our lifetime -- are universal.

Movies have come and gone, and many have touched on similar themes. Jealousy, hate, revenge, violence. But most of them end there, with little or no elements presented as to how true redemption can be found. They're all about dragon-slaying -- the roaring, action-packed kind. But facing one's personal dragons -- challenges, whether it's envy, cowardice, isolation, a weak faith... -- and slaying them are probably what this movie will make you ponder. That, and how saints and sinners fully live their humanity as they come to terms with their past and carve out their future.






* There Be Dragons will be shown from November 9-15 at SM North, Trinoma, SM Megamall, Glorietta 4, South Festival Mall, SM Southmall.

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There Be Dragons official trailer

Roland Joffe discusses his film

Fatherhood angle of the film on CBCP for Life

More interesting stuff plus other videos on Dragons.ph

For moms and dads

Paper view

This "log cabin" is a classic. I merely handed over boxes of various sizes to Petrufied and she transformed them -- with the help of transparent tape, glue, scissors and rolled up pages of an old phone book -- into this fascinating plaything. Some kiddies had some fun with it, too.

I tried my hand at crafting simple playthings out of what normally would be considered "junk," like old magazines. There are stacks of glossies at home which, though, still leafed through occasionally, would probably be better off discarded.

But it can be difficult to part with old magazines, even if many of them were acquired at huge discounts (think Booksale and Filbars). So, I got some of them and worked the scissors!

You can do the same with your kids for a few hours of creative fun. Sure, they may have their coloring books, drawing paper and jigsaw puzzles. Toys that whir, light up, beep and make all sorts of fascinating sounds may be part of the lot, too. But it's good to give them opportunities to develop their imagination by helping them see that almost anything can be transformed into play -- and playthings.

Magazines are there to be read and to learn from, but viewed a different way, they can be the stuff of paper hats, boats and even jewelry!

Fashioning some paper necklaces and bracelets for your little girls can also be turned into a teachable moment when it comes to discussing femininity, doing things at the proper time and related issues. How? Let's say a child wants to put on makeup or wear high heels just like mom and other adult women she sees. If you don't really care about the child, you'll let her do anything she wants. She may put shadow on her eyelids, demand a pair of heeled mules or don blinding bling when you go out, and you give in to her and hardly bat an eyelash. But if you genuinely care that she grow up into a fine young woman with a solid character and sound values, you'll take time to explain to her things she needs to understand -- like how certain things are done at the proper time.





While cutting up these magazine pages and linking them into a chain for a pretty necklace, you can tell her that while you have your pearls and other precious stones in your jewelry box, little girls like her can wear children's jewelry, which you're making right now. There are, after all, things to look forward to, like wearing makeup and jewelry, going out on dates, holding down a job, paying bills, getting married, raising children... (though I wouldn't call paying bills something to look forward to, but you get the picture) while for the present, being a child is what is for her to do! When the right time comes, those other things -- grown-up things -- will be part of her life as well.

So, for the moment, it's paper necklaces and bracelets she'll enjoy making and wearing, and she can even choose what part of the comics page she'll make for her jewelry!

Some tips: do assist the child if she's still too young to handle a pair of scissors properly. We don't want any cuts as a result of this crafting session! And, since little hands are still mastering those fine motor skills, some paper strips may end up being uneven and being linked together in crooked ways. That's alright! Though anything worth doing is worth doing well, I think the more important aim in this case is having fun with your little one while imparting invaluable lessons during the fun. Also, even if the jewelry pieces are far from perfect, your child won't mind if you won't. But if you praise her for her efforts and a job well done, she's sure to remember it.

The trashing of a treasure

There have been times that I felt that my own people (lawmakers, to be precise) were selling my country, its heritage and its future to foreigners. It can be quite disturbing (and painful in some way) because aren't public servants supposed to take care of the public? Aren't the people whom they should be serving?

Lately I've been having that feeling again due to developments in legislation. Not a day goes by that I don't think of the Reproductive Health (RH) Bill, partly because reporting the developments concerning this issue is part of my job. But the more I learn about it and the more I understand the tiniest details about its history and provisions, the gloomier I feel about my own government leaders apparently putting other interests above protecting the country and its people. I mean, they can't all be ignorant of the facts.

Then just this week I attended a House committee hearing on the proposed divorce bill. What else will our elected leaders push our people to accept?

Below are articles I recently wrote that shed more light on the issues and developments:


More funds for RH mean less for basic services -- solon

MANILA, May 30, 2011―Allocating millions of pesos for House Bill 4244 means slashing the budget that would have otherwise been spent on education and other basic services, said a member of the House of Representatives in a recent press conference.

Full story

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RH Bill redundant, similar to int'l agreement

MANILA, May 26, 2011― Parañaque Rep. Roilo Golez has underscored the redundancy of a portion of the Reproductive Health bill during interpellation in Congress on Wednesday.

Full story

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Curb corruption, not population to kill poverty -- pro-lifers

MANILA, May 27, 2011―A legislative measure that regards members of a huge population as the cause of poverty does not provide a proper solution, say pro-lifers who were present at this week’s plenary debates at the House of Representatives.

Full story

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RH legislation a "cultural intrusion" -- lawyer

MANILA, June 1, 2011—While the formulation of Philippine laws is essentially based on the needs and conditions of the country’s citizens, the crafting of the Reproductive Health (RH) bill cannot be attributed to Filipino lawmakers but to foreign organizations, said Atty. Jo Aurea Imbong, Executive Secretary of the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines (CBCP) Legal Office.

Full story

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Divorce a gross injustice to children

MANILA, June 3, 2011―The cost of divorce on children was among the crucial points repeatedly brought up at Wednesday’s Congressional committee hearing on the divorce bill sponsored by Gabriela Representatives Luzviminda Ilagan and Emerenciana de Jesus.

Full story

Life around the world in 5 headlines

Here's a look around the world without leaving your living room (or wherever you are as you read this). In just five stories one gets a picture of the varied perspectives on the value of a human being's life. There's more good news than bad here; fortunately, there's always hope as long as one is alive! But one sure can see red sometimes, especially when getting news of the latest scheming measures that a certain global organization is up to again.

So, how's life around the world? Get a glimpse from these excerpts (followed by links to the full articles):

They direct their book to those who, having received a devastating diagnosis, have decided, or are still in the process of deciding, to continue their pregnancy knowing that their baby’s life is expected to be brief. Yet their positive and encouraging approach to these heartbreaking realities paint the choice of abortion as a sad mistake and a missed opportunity for emotional growth and healing.
.....
Because of the shared pain, courage, faith, and, often, wisdom of the mothers and fathers who relate their experiences, any reader can achieve a better understanding of what it means to be a mother and a father:

“As a mother, I have always felt that it was my job to identify what my children need and give it to them. Sometimes those needs are simple and straightforward–clean laundry, a healthy meal, a hand to cross the street safely. Maggie’s needs were not like those of my sons. She needed us to give her a safe and peaceful transition from one world to the next. Carrying Maggie to term did that for me–it gave me the opportunity to ‘mother’ her until she didn’t need me anymore.” ~ Alessandra (p. 345)

"A Gift of Time: Continuing your pregnancy when your baby's life is expected to be brief" at MercatorNet

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Roger Kiska of the European Center for Law and Justice said he was “overjoyed” by the new Hungarian constitution, calling it a victory for democracy, for life and the family, and for Hungary. Kiska said he found “shameful” the attempts by the European institutions to undermine the Hungarian government, a government overwhelmingly approved by popular electoral vote. “I hope that Hungary stays strong in its convictions because what is at stake, life and the family, are too high a price to pay simply to appease the bureaucrats in Brussels.”

"New Hungarian Constitution recognizing life 'from conception' signed into law" at LifeSiteNews

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The UN is about to ask governments to fund the vaccination of every girl in the world against the sexually transmitted disease HPV, human papillomavirus. The controversial campaign could cost as much as $300 per person, totaling billions.

Dignitaries who launched the campaign at the UN in mid-April included a prominent African first lady, leaders from the UN Population Fund (UNFPA), the American Cancer Society, and the contraceptives manufacturer PATH.

"UN wants billions for STD vaccination scheme" at C-FAM

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This is disgusting. CBSLA News has glorified an elderly woman selling suicide kits as “death with dignity.” From “91-Year-Old Grandma Sells Suicide Kits To Help Terminally Ill Die With Dignity”:

Meet Sharlotte. Like a lot of grandmothers, she likes to keep busy. But while some grannies sit and knit scarves and afghans, this 91-year-old has a decidedly different hobby. She makes suicide masks… Sharlotte, who sells her controversial kits for $60, demonstrated how they work in front of our cameras.
.....
Opponents to changing the law point to one of Sharlotte’s clients, a 29-year-old Oregon native. He wasn’t suffering from a terminal illness. He opted out because he was tired of dealing with his chronic depression. His suicide touched off a major controversy. And now, a group called Californians Against Assisted Suicide wants to stop Sharlotte and her masks.

"Media pushes suicide assistance" at Secondhand Smoke

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The meeting between the 7-year-old boy and the 31-year-old man began awkwardly, as meetings of strangers often do. But then young Jacob Kowalik sized up the adult, and began to drop his guard.

They played tic-tac-toe. They talked about hockey. Jacob and his parents invited Marshal Davis to their house for pizza, Jacob's favorite meal.

There also was a gift, a husky dog stuffed animal, though it wasn't for young Jacob. It was FROM him, a small token of thanks to this man who'd given Jacob a gift that the boy was too young to fully understand.

"Jacob's donor: Bone marrow transplant forever alters two lives" at MSNBC

Canine cuteness -- with relevance

Here's a re-post from November 2006. I wanted some eye candy so naturally I sifted the entries under the "animals" and "cuteness" category, and decided on the following. I anticipate a very busy end-of-the-workweek tomorrow, so I'd like to be ready with a dash of cuteness for relief in one click in case I'll need it!

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2 legs, 4 legs

A remark that one of my friends made years ago stuck to my mind. His theory was that children are made cute because this makes it easier for their parents to keep their cool whenever the little ones act like brats. If they weren't cute, he says, they'd probably be thrown out the window or something equally horrible by their parents in a fit of "temporary insanity," which may be diffused once the concerned mom or dad catches sight of the pudgy toddler.

I've often wondered if puppies were made cute for the same reason (the "parent" in this scenario not being the canine mom or dad but the human owner). After all, when the little pooch chews your new shoes to beyond thrift-shop condition, or keeps doing its bathroom business on the carpet, you can hit the roof and consider torture as a form of canine discipline. But once it looks at you with those droopy eyes and then scampers off as fast as those tiny legs can do it, of course you can almost feel your heart turning to jelly.

This same jelly transformation happened to me recently -- not on account of my dog, Sabrina, itself the most adorable creature on four legs in our household. I needed only to review the photos I'd accumulated in my computer, photos of these canine cuties. All in all, I had 12 -- it would've been more had I not trashed the others I used to keep. By the way, if you've been passing by my blog in the past several months, you may have seen some of them. I even realized that several of Norman Rockwell's illustrations have cute dogs in them! And, all the image-boosting for dogs/puppies (especially Beagles) can probably be attributed partly to Charles Schulz. Years of seeing Snoopy can do that...

By the way, I saw a photo of two pampered little dogs from the Neiman Marcus online catalog (featuring limited edition pet homes). To be clear, I don't go for treating animals like humans and splurging on their care, even if one has tons of money. And I believe in inequality 100% when it comes to comparing animals and humans. Concern for animal welfare and respecting the innate dignity of human beings are perfectly compatible. Still, this is a cute picture so I decided to put it here. =)

Looking at the canine pictures then reminded me of an entry I posted in my other blog last year about dogs and people. Here it is:

It's hardly surprising that a preschooler who has been spending his whole life (all 4 or 5 long years of it) around the family dog would assume that canines and humans are on the exact same level as far as the hierarchy of creatures is concerned.

Keeping a family dog does have benefits in that it provides occasions for play in the home as well as opportunities to teach kids about responsibility. Also, having a pet around is a good way to demonstrate to a child what he is and what he is not ("we drink our milk from the glass, we don't lap it up from a bowl like Pepper does"). Another thing you can tell kids when they're behaving more like four-legged creatures is that for humans, there is such a thing as manners. Dogs can be taught tricks; persons learn manners and what these are for.

You can learn a thing or two, if you please, by checking out the following -- from the book Talk to the Hand by Lynne Truss :

Manners are about showing consideration, and using empathy. But they are also about being connected to the common good; they are about being better. Every time a person says to himself, “What would the world be like if everyone did this?” or “I’m not going to calculate the cost to me on this occasion. I’m just going to do the right thing”, or “Someone seems to need this seat more than I do ”, the world becomes a better place. It is ennobled. The crying shame about modern rudeness is that it’s such a terrible missed opportunity for a different kind of manners — manners based, for the first time, not on class and snobbery, but on a kind of voluntary charity that dignifies both the giver and the receiver by being a system of mutual, civil respect.

And what's more...

Being friendly and familiar with strangers is not the same as being polite (as we have seen), but if it helps us to overcome our normal reticence, all right, be friendly. Yes, we live in an aggressive “Talk to the hand” world. Yes, we are systematically alienated and have no sense of community. Yes, we swear a lot more than we used to, and we prefer to be inside our own individual Bart Simpson bubbles. But just because these are the conditions that promote rudeness does not mean that we can’t choose to improve our happiness by deciding to be polite to one another.

You can read the article, Don't be so rude, at Times Online.

Okay, a couple of more photos I have in my pc, in case you'd like to see them --

How "toddler" and "good behavior" become compatible

It's not that I hate children. I LOVE them to pieces! But when I go to church for Mass, I choose a spot that's reasonably far from where young kids are seated. Why? Basically, because they're so cute! And it's so easy for me to dwell on the cuteness of the little cuties and tease them by making googly eyes or other animated facial expressions. Each child can sure remind us of the God-given gift of life, but hardly does one ponder on the beauty and depth of God's giving of Himself in the Mass when it's a child's cuteness or amusing behavior that's grabbing their attention every two minutes.

The good thing is, toddlers--young as they are--are already capable of adjusting their behavior when called for, as when in church (in fact, toddlerhood is a great time to begin training a child in this). And parents will do well to empower themselves with strategies on how to help their young ones in this area.

Mommy Life wrote an insightful and helpful piece on her blog. An excerpt:

Teaching Children Self-Control

One of the greatest gifts you can give your child is self-control - a foundation built day by day as you teach your child to make decisions about his own behavior.

Remember that a child may be well-behaved for all the wrong reasons - fear of punishment or withdrawal of affection. This often results in a tendency to "act up" in awkward moments. In the long run, children raised to be outer-controlled rather than self-controlled may be more vulnerable later to peer pressure and rebellion.

The potential for self-control is best released during the toddler years, when the child is eager to do things for himself. We can capitalize on his natural inclination to master his environment by helping him master himself.

A young child has little to be steward over - except his own body. Challenge yours by offering opportunities to gain control:

"Let's see if we can close the door without a sound."

"Let's see if we can walk on this straight line."

"Let's see if we can hear this pin drop."

This provides a context for reminding a child not to fidget or lost his temper: "You are boss of your body. You can decide to sit still."

Another effective way to help your child develop self-control is to let him know in advance the kind of behavior you expect - at a party, in the grocery store, library, or church.

Read the whole thing here

Kids, gifts and giving

I found this blog post at Daddytypes.com quite insightful and full of worthy considerations. Makes me think about the depth of "giving" that people are capable of extending.

An excerpt:

And that's when it occurred to me that maybe I was looking at regifting way too narrowly, as a way to manage down the social convention of gift giving. And that's fine. Your kid gets yet more toys they don't need, or gets duplicates, it seems like no big deal to be grateful--and then to pass them along when you think there's a better chance of their being used and loved.

But the real power of regifting might lie in teaching a kid to not only think of her friend, and give something her friend would like, but also to give something of her own to her friend. It could make the gift--and the gift process--more meaningful than, "Here's something my dad picked up for you at the toy store."

Read "The Case for Regifting"