The silver lining for this mama

If you haven't roamed the blogosphere enough to find yourself at Mommy Life, here's your chance to read a sample of what this mother of 12 and professional author writes in her blog. I'm putting the Oct. 22 post here in full as I find it very, very moving.

The silver lining

I really appreciate your comments. One thing I need to make clear is that for the past year as my daughter tried to distance herself and her children from me, I have been nothing but loving. This is really a lot of growth for me: five years ago when this happened I got angry. The only thing that resolved that was when Tripp and I were getting ready to move to Virginia and my daughter found out and called and not only made peace, but decided to move here too.

But the relationship was very up and down. Last year when the same thing happened, I cried and got in touch with the fact that I often react to hurt with anger and toughness - which misleads everyone about where I'm coming from. I decided to just keep loving my daughter by visits, sending presents, etc. When I wasn't invited to her last baby's birth (I was blessed to be at the birth of three of her children - one was born the last time she wasn't speaking to me) or her baby shower, I just let it go. I really understood and respected her right to create whatever boundaries she wanted. And - a real breakthrough for me - I loved her regardless of how she felt about or acted toward me.

And I certainly love my grandchildren, although they seem a little confused about their relationship with me. It's probably difficult on them to not know where I stand in their mother's heart.

Even last week when she told me I couldn't come over to see the kids, I remained kind and loving, letting her know I would be here for her as soon as she was ready to see me. She mentioned outside help and I said I thought that was a wonderful idea, and that I would be happy to go too if needed. I honestly feel nothing but love and compassion and hope for a brighter tomorrow - which is the spirit in which I'm asking for your prayers.

I almost went over anyway so we could talk in person. It's way too easy to create monsters of people when you shut them out of your life. She had mentioned once before that it meant a lot to her that I continued to reach out even when she was pushing me away. I know I've learned with my children at home, that holding them on my lap and hugging - or in the case of one of my adult sons, him holding me on his lap and hugging - can melt away all kinds of perceived problems.

So I wrestled with it. Should I just go over and demonstrate - I'd already expressed it in words - that I love her and care for her anyway? I was worried that then she would be mad that I had encroached on her boundaries. My husband - who raised her from the time she was seven but whom she has completely marginalized - said it would not be a good idea and that if she reacted negatively, it would be bad for the children to see.

So I didn't go. I still don't know if that was the right call. I know that in my heart, I'm holding her close and wiping her tears and assuring her that I will love her forever no matter what.

For a person who's never known that kind of love on earth, that shows tremendous healing. And if God can heal a person like me, he can heal anyone.

Love,