Complex etiquette?
John Derbyshire outlines his mindset when it comes to offering women his seat. It may sound complicated, but I think he's only trying to explain what is instinctive to him in a complex world -- and I think it comes across very reasonably.
A reader: "Do you give up your seat to ladies on the subway?"
As unostentatiously as I can. My rules are:
(1) If I enter a subway car (or bus--when I have time on my hands in NYC, I take a bus--it's MUCH more civilized, only a lot slower) and there are any ladies standing, I do not sit down.
(2) If there are no ladies standing, and seats are empty, and I'm going more than a couple of stops, I sit.
(3) If I'm sitting, all the other seats fill up, and a lady gets on, I get up and go stand by one of the doors, choosing my direction so that the lady has the optimum chance to take my seat. I do not say or signal anything, as that is asking for trouble. If she's a feminist, I would get a dirty look, if not a sarcastic remark (if not a sock on the jaw--feminists have come a long way, baby). This being New York City, a man will often beat her to my vacated seat, but that's not my fault. One can only do so much.
Thank you for reading this. Now, if it's not too much trouble, please read my column on manners.
Note that what should be straightforward has actually been made more difficult by women themselves. We need to take every opportunity to show our gratitude to the men who still act chivalrously. It actually makes everyone feel better.
2 comments:
After having read John Derbyshire's rules, I've found that my own rules for giving up my seat on public transportation -- which I've adopted out of what I perceive to be a combination of chivalry and common decency -- are virtually identical.
As an aside, this post prompted me to recall my experiences on the buses and subways in Rome, where I had the good fortune to be able to study for a semester nine years ago. At that time, at least, it was expected that a man would give up his seat for a woman, especially an older woman. More than once, I witnessed an older woman board a bus, survey the riders, and head toward a seat occupied by a man who, in turn, stood up to give her his seat.
Wow, John, that's wonderful to hear. And that happened only 9 years ago -- not too long ago. =)
On the train in Manila, I've found that plenty of men still get up to offer their seat to ladies, especially pregnant women and older ladies. And, ladies who exude femininity, not masculinity.
I hope you pass by again soon, John.
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