When it's love that saves the day (or the kid)

Learning aboard the schoolbus

Grandma and the school kids -- what a heartwarming story.

Read Kids learn kindness from Grandma in the window

On forgiveness, reconciling, and the view from the tabletop

Two of my sisters and I were sitting around one day, talking about movies we had seen, and Dead Poets Society came up.

"Do you remember that scene where the students in Robin Williams' class get up and stand on the table?" one of them asked.

"Yeah...." my other sister replied.

"I don't like that," said the first one, grimacing.

I couldn't believe my ears!

"Me neither!" my other sister chimed in agreement with such vehemence that I was even more flabbergasted. At the same time, it was kind of amusing that something I found almost movingly refreshing had the opposite effect on my two sisters. Of course they were a year apart in age, and I was a full decade younger, which probably accounted for the difference in perspective and preference. While they abhorred the scene in question from the critically acclaimed movie from the late 1980s (which I guessed did not impress them one bit), I found it delightfully striking.

"Huh? I love that scene!" I said, letting my disbelief and amusement show. "I think it's a great way to show that we have to constantly look at things from another perspective..." I said something like that -- I don't remember exactly what I said but I do remember how funny I found the whole thing. They hated the scene, and I thought it was brilliant. We spent the next couple of minutes laughing at our obvious difference in tastes.

Well, isn't the ability to look at things from a different perspective a great way to expand one's horizons? To learn something new? To see something in a whole new light? You may not need to stand on a tabletop to acquire a fresh context as regards things you previously took for granted, but another vantage point sure can help bring out the finer details that previously went unnoticed.

That's what this video did for me as far as an invaluable friendship  is concerned:







 Think about it. And here's something else worth considering:

Be a man -- break the rules

Be a real man, that is.

For Boys Only: The Man Talk

The November 6, 1-4 pm gig really is for boys only, and it's best to secure your tickets early due to limited seating.

Here's a bit about the Matt Fradd-headlined event, so gentlemen, this one's for you:

We are inviting you to join us in an all-boys chastity talk with highly sought-after international speaker and Catholic apologist, Matt Fradd. Find out how true manhood is expressed in becoming who God meant you to be, and discover the FIVE RULES you must BREAK if you want to fulfill your deepest desires and follow God's commands! 

This will be held on Nov. 6 (Friday) at 1-4 pm, at St. Mary's College Auditorium, 37 Mother Ignacia Ave., Bgy. Paligsahan, Quezon City.  Tickets are now available at P300 each. Limited seats only, so secure your tickets early by calling/texting 0922-8276662 or emailing all4life.life4all@gmail.com

Love better, live better

The superior man thinks always of virtue; 
the common man thinks of comfort. 

- Confucius

I came across this quote on one of Petrufied's blog posts. 

Ending her gay relationship: A woman shares her story

In a previous post I had shared the testimonies of four men who were, at one time or another, in homosexual relationships. They eventually decided to break free from those relationships and live as God had intended them to. Based on their accounts, their love for God proved to be more than their love for their partners and for the lifestyle they hung on to for so long.

As I read their stories, I wondered -- as I had done several times before -- where the stories were of women getting out of same-sex relationships. It was more common to come across news and features of gay men who talked about their journey. And then I stumbled on this:

If you want to read yet another diatribe that’s “pro-gay” or “anti-gay,” then this article isn’t for you. We’ve all had quite enough of those anyway, haven’t we?
I just want to tell a little of my story, with the hope that maybe someone out there will hear me differently than so many of the aforementioned sound bites circulating right now. Warning: You may not like the way my story turns out. You may feel sorry for me, or even be angry with me. You may feel flustered that my story doesn’t fit nicely into a theological box that you would like to keep nice and tidy. You may hate the advice I have to give, but please know that what I share is coming from a place of love and concern. Prayerfully, I’ll even encourage someone out there.
So…here it goes.

I am a Christian, one who believes that what the Bible says about sexuality is of great importance. I’m also someone who was in a same-sex relationship for many years, even as I claimed Christ. For a long time these were the two things that defined me.
There are lots of us out there actually, even in the most conservative of churches. Most often we don’t talk about it, but today I will, because I want you to know that there is a story contrary to the one heard on repeat in the media every day.
It was during college when I met the person who would quickly become my best friend, someone I would eventually consider something more akin to a soul mate. It took a couple of years, but eventually the emotional closeness we shared gave way to a physical intimacy.
To make a long, long story short: I was terrified about what was happening, but I also loved it. As our familiarity and affection toward one another grew, a coldness and distance was developing between God and me. Because of this, I tried many times to fight against it, but was unwilling to cut off the friendship, so I just carried on, the depth of our relationship kept hidden from the outside world, even as we actively pursued ministry together. We lived together for years until the Lord painfully pulled our lives apart.
Oh and friends, did I mention that I LOVED her? It wasn’t a “butterflies in the stomach” kind of love. It was a ‘You are my person” kind of love. The, “Whatever life throws at us, I want it to be with you,” kind of love. And life threw a lot at us. I would have gladly spent every minute of the rest of my days with her. I loved her certainly no less than someone loves their spouse. We had shared 8 years of friendship as well as the same home and the same pets (read: children). We had worked together, gone to school together, eaten all our meals together, traveled the world together, and shared all our deepest thoughts with each other.
So I know what it’s like to truly love someone and be frustrated that if only one of you was a different gender it would all be ok. I know what it’s like to genuinely love Jesus and want to serve Him, and yet, to feel this other undeniable pull; this thing that says, “You’re different.” I get it: the unwanted attraction you sense when you were just minding your own business, or the discouragement you feel when you think that because you’re too butch or too effeminate, no one of the opposite sex would find you attractive even if you wanted them to.
I so desperately wanted it to be ok. I wanted the Bible to say it was ok, so I looked for those who argued that it did. I read articles and books about the Greek being mistranslated and passages being taken out of context, but as much as I wanted them to be the answer, I knew enough about how to read my Bible on its own grounds that I was hard to convince.

Full story

Grey matter

From Matt Walsh's article (the article I appreciate most regarding a certain book-turned-movie):

We need to consider, or more specifically fans of “Fifty Shades” need to consider, why anyone would find this kind of story entertaining or enjoyable. If you’ve already Fandangoed your tickets and are eagerly anticipating spending your Friday night wrapped up in a twisted fairy tale of fetishism and sexual abuse, ask yourself: why?

This isn’t a neutral thing. It’s not “just a movie.” It is a movie, sure, but it’s a movie with a very particular plot that could only appeal to you for very particular reasons.

If you go and see a documentary about penguins, it tells me that you like penguins, and you probably like penguins because everyone knows they’re fascinating and delightful. If you go and see a “romance” about a wealthy sadist who leads a young woman into a sex dungeon and rapes her repeatedly, it tells me that you like stories about young women being raped repeatedly by wealthy sadists in sex dungeons. That is not just a matter of taste. It’s a sign of something profound and depraved.

Full story

Matt Walsh blog

Edit (Feb. 16): I had a seen a link to this "A Letter to My Children About Fifty Shades of Grey" posted on Facebook earlier but dismissed it as the usual preachy, finger-wagging type of advice from some stern parent. What a mistake.

I sat in the theatre and looked around me at hundreds of women, buying into this so-called ‘sexy love story’ and I felt sick. If an entire theatre of women three times your age couldn’t see how damaging this plot line is, how on earth are teenage girls and boys supposed to?

Please, my daughters, don’t allow this romanticizing of sexual domestic abuse fool you into believing that you should ever allow yourself to be treated like Anastasia Steele. Please, my son, don’t watch this one day and believe that it’s ever okay to intimidate, manipulate or disrespect a woman like the ‘hero,’ Christian Grey. Nobody, male or female, wants or deserves to be disrespected, manipulated or violated against his or her wishes.
 ...
If he monitors your phone calls and threatens you with physical harm because another man calls you, he’s not in love with you. He’s abusing and controlling you.

If beating you with a leather strap until you cry is what gives him pleasure and he asks you to do it despite your distress because it turns him on and then plays the victim to explain it all away, there is no soundtrack in the world that should quiet the voice in your head that yells out that love and romance were never in the picture and they never will be.

Read the entire letter here

The spirit of a boy or the wisdom of a man

You can watch a better-quality version of the video right on the website of the Foundation for A Better Life, which produced it and other great materials. Plus, the lyrics of the accompanying song are included in that version.

Another video -- titled Dishes -- that points out something easily taken for granted in relationships is here

It's really not about dos and don'ts

Sometimes it takes a while to see the big picture. But basically this is what this virtue is anchored on:

Seeing this reminded me of a fascinating video called "The economics of sex" which, apart from pointing out some ideas about relationships and sex worth considering, features awesome artwork (to me it looks like doodling because the artist makes it look so easy). Check it out in this previous post.

On testosterone, romance, and "supply & demand"

What a novel way to explore the topic of sex, relationships, and how the lopsided picture which is currently in favor of men can be set right. And here are a few lines from the fascinating video below that should make us consider what's going on --

"For a woman to know what she wants in a relationship and to signal it clearly especially if it's different than what most men want, this is her power in the economy. But none of these things seem to be occurring -- not now, at least. Today the economics of contemporary sexual relationships clearly favor men and what they want, even while what they are offering in exchange has diminished."

How Life is going around the world

Would you like to go around the world in 8... headlines? Here's a glimpse of news and features concerning life and family matters.

Bolivia says no to abortion: Recognizes "right to life" from conception
by Youth Defence | La Paz, Bolivia | LifeNews.com | 2/17/14 7:16 PM

A judge in Bolivia has ruled that abortion is considered a crime and that the law of the land recognizes the ‘right of life from the moment of conception’. 



Pro-Life students fight back after University of Alabama crushes free speech
by Kristan Hawkins | Montgomery, AL | LifeNews.com | 2/17/14 11:26 AM

Today, Students for Life of America is calling for the University of Alabama to reverse their decision to tear down a pro-life bulletin board and issue an apology to Bama Students for Life.



DOH exec: If RH Law is junked, implementation still on
By Camille Diola (philstar.com) | Updated February 17, 2014 - 3:55pm

MANILA, Philippines - A Department of Health (DOH) official admitted that the contents of the controversial Reproductive Health Law can still be implemented by the agency even without the measure.

Doctor Ruben Siapno, DOH National Capital Region assistant regional director, said in a recent media conference that family planning services can still be provided even if the Supreme Court decides that the law is unconstitutional.

KABUL, Afghanistan (AP) — Afghan President Hamid Karzai on Monday ordered changes to a draft of new criminal legislation in response to an international outcry warning it would severely limit justice for victims of domestic abuse, his spokesman said. - See more at: http://www.cnsnews.com/news/article/afghan-leader-orders-changes-womens-rights-law#sthash.1BDrlxzj.dpuf

Belgium poised to complete legalization of euthanasia for children
February 17, 2014

Euthanasia is a culture of death which knows no boundaries.  Once begun, it spreads like cancer to include additional diseases, conditions and even age groups.  The latest domino to fall is action in Belgium to legalize euthanasia for children.  Yes — for children.  In December, the Belgian Senate voted for legalization by a 50-17 vote and the Chamber of Representatives followed suit last week by an overwhelming vote of 88-44 with 12 abstentions to approve.   

King Philippe, Belgium’s constitutional head of state, is expected to sign the legislation into law.



Urgent: Tell the FDA what you think about "three-parent" embryos
Sunday, February 16, 2014

On February 25th and 26th, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) will be having a meeting to discuss allowing the technique that creates embryos with three genetic parents to proceed to clinical trials. The "three-parent" embryo technique is also called mitochondrial replacement, maternal spindle transfer, or oocyte modification. 



Pope urges engaged couples to build marriage on "rock of love"
By Elise Harris

Vatican City, Feb 14, 2014 / 08:35 am (CNA/EWTN News).- During a special encounter with engaged couples, Pope Francis emphasized that to love someone forever is possible if we are humble, and that marriage should be a celebration filled with joy.



"She will live on forever within Iver": Canadian "brain dead" woman gives birth to healthy son
By Peter Baklinski / Tue, Feb. 11, 2014, 13:32 EST

VICTORIA, British Columbia, February 11, 2014 (LifeSiteNews.com) – A Canadian father and husband is experiencing an impossible mix of emotions at the birth of his first child followed by the passing of his wife, who was declared ‘brain dead’ by doctors in December.



Disabled brother inspires Alex Bilodeau's gold medal run
Reuters, Feb. 10/ 6:15 pm EST

ROSA KHUTOR, Russia - Alex Bilodeau toiled for fours years to retain his Olympic moguls title on Monday but said that was nothing compared to the struggles of his inspirational brother, who has cerebral palsy. - See more at: http://www.nbcolympics.com/news/disabled-brother-inspires-alex-bilodeaus-gold-medal-run#sthash.rIx5w3xE.dpuf

ROSA KHUTOR, Russia - Alex Bilodeau toiled for fours years to retain his Olympic moguls title on Monday but said that was nothing compared to the struggles of his inspirational brother, who has cerebral palsy. - See more at: http://www.nbcolympics.com/news/disabled-brother-inspires-alex-bilodeaus-gold-medal-run#sthash.rIx5w3xE.dpuf

ROSA KHUTOR, Russia - Alex Bilodeau toiled for fours years to retain his Olympic moguls title on Monday but said that was nothing compared to the struggles of his inspirational brother, who has cerebral palsy. - See more at: http://www.nbcolympics.com/news/disabled-brother-inspires-alex-bilodeaus-gold-medal-run#sthash.rIx5w3xE.dpuf

From this day forward

Online shaming, the 'age of awesome' & other features of our times

What do you do with hundreds of bookmarked links on your computer that have been bookmarked for over a year? Leave them there? That's what I've done... after repeatedly telling myself I will delete some of them because -- let's face it -- most of these just stay there without serving any purpose other than reminding me they're there just in case I'll need them/want to read them again in the future. Well, a while ago I've decided that I'll delete like mad. A lot of the materials make for good reading and do contain substantial points worth remembering or pondering -- even living by.

So, why would I keep such materials to myself? I'm randomly picking several that I'd like to share with you, starting them with an excerpt from each link:

I hadn’t fallen out of love with my husband, not remotely, but the intense self-sacrifice that was being asked of me during our first walk through a valley was enough to make a part of me yearn for my days of singlehood. Having naively expected the honeymoon to last forever, I was caught off-guard by the challenge of caring for someone I wasn’t currently feeling dizzyingly, head-over-heels, madly in love with. What had always come easy—nurturing my man and marriage—was, for the first time, hugely difficult without the consolation of romantic sentiment. In the blink of an eye, a bucket of ice cold water had crashed over my naïve, fanciful visions of what marriage was all about.

Read Refined by Fire

* * * * * * * * * *

When I was a kid, I wanted to be an international playboy. I wasn’t sure what that was, but I liked the sound of it. I imagined yachts would somehow be involved and top models. And planes: lots of planes flying hither and thither over impossibly blue skies. The day would start in New York and end in Martinique, perhaps with a stop-off for lunch in Miami, if I could be bothered. I didn’t really get to live that life (thank God), but I see it up close now and then and it makes me giggle.

Read The Virtues of Fine in the Age of Awesome

* * * * * * * * * * *

Conversations, as they tend to play out in person, are messy—full of pauses and interruptions and topic changes and assorted awkwardness. But the messiness is what allows for true exchange. It gives participants the time—and, just as important, the permission—to think and react and glean insights. “You can’t always tell, in a conversation, when the interesting bit is going to come,” Turkle says. “It’s like dancing: slow, slow, quick-quick, slow. You know? It seems boring, but all of a sudden there’s something, and whoa.”
Occasional dullness, in other words, is to be not only expected, but celebrated. Some of the best parts of conversation are, as Turkle puts it, “the boring bits.” In software terms, they’re features rather than bugs.

Read Saving the Lost Art of Conversation

* * * * * * * * * *

When Mike “Gabe” Krahulik, the artist behind the popular webcomic Penny Arcade, heard that an unprofessional PR rep for a game controller had been insulting and taunting one of his readers, he gleefully posted the damning emails to his website, along with the man’s Twitter name, for the express purpose of unleashing the Internet kraken.
“I have a real problem with bullies,” Krahulik wrote, after the marketer was deluged with hate mail. “I spent my childhood moving from school to school and I got made fun of every place I landed. I feel like he is a bully and maybe that’s why I have no sympathy here. Someday every bully meets an even bigger bully, and maybe that’s me in this case.”

But even if you think your bullying is serving a greater good, the fact remains that you’re still just a bully.

Read Why You Should Think Twice Before Shaming Anyone on Social Media


* Illustration from Creative Educator

Hearts on fire: what is the big deal?

"It's just sex -- what is the big deal?"

Ever heard that line before? I have, plenty of times. And uttered with unmistakable exasperation. Which may as well have had the person say it straight instead of posing a question. Because what was probably on her mind was "It's just sex -- it's no big deal."

Thing is, regarding sex as "no big deal" often means not understanding sex beyond its being a biological function. Two people do it, do their best to enjoy it, and there you go. Love can be part of the equation, but not necessarily. They may be a couple, they may have met for the first time only hours before. Money may

have been part of the exchange. A dare may have been part of the deal. Each of them may be bound by a matrimonial vow, but not to one another. She could be totally into him and hopes to reel him in permanently, while he could be counting her as the "Flavor of the Month," one of many conquests. But one thing about us human beings is that none of us (man or woman) relish being treated like ice cream -- source of delight and center of attention for the time being, only to be set aside and eventually forgotten when the thrill wears off and the need for a  more exciting flavor sets in.

If you find that you do regard sex as no big deal, it's still possible you understand that sex is meant to be more than the physical and emotional (some will add spiritual) highs that it can lead to and which brilliant scripts and brilliant lighting and brilliant music (plus a stellar cast) can make it out to be. Sometime ago you may even have understood that sex is something special and beautiful but then somewhere along the way, you experienced some things that changed all that. It could be anything, from porn and your "wise" friends' pronouncements about "exciting hook-ups," to your parents' breakup and one guy's undivided attention that he quickly turned elsewhere after you gave him all of yours (and much, much more). It could be anything. But, see, you don't have a monopoly on this downward change in perspective about love and relationships due to your surroundings or your experiences. And more importantly, you're not the only one who – maybe deep down inside – dreams of something better. And most importantly, there is reason to hope for and work for something better.

So then why is sex a big deal? Well, because love is a big deal. And who have been created to love? It's certainly not those cute dogs, lovable though they are. It's (surprise, surprise) we -- you and me and every other person on the planet. We have been created out of love, to love, and we have an entire lifetime to do this. And sex is merely an extension of how love -- complete, self-giving love --  is manifested within the proper parameters. Lest I end up making sex seem like the end-all and be-all of life (which it is not, but it is the subject of this post, after all), let me then emphasize a vital point about it that anyone can easily overlook at one time or another, if not occasionally reminded: everything good in this world is a gift, and that includes sex. Thing is, when we discard the notion of something as a gift, we tend to be careless. Pretty soon we adopt an attitude that has us thinking we deserve this and that and so many other things.

Picture this: when something has been given as a gift, it ought to be appreciated and taken care of. When you give a good friend  a present, do you rejoice at seeing it tossed aside? When it's something precious, would handling it carelessly be the right thing to do? In the same way, love, sex, relationships, family, your significant other and all these in your life that money cannot buy are gifts, and keeping that in mind will help you remember that they are a big deal -- in varying degrees.

But here's something else: think of yourself as a gift and you'll realize that you are important, that you are a big deal. It's not some feel-good concept or something I'm saying just to boost your self-confidence (though the latter may end up being a result of this realization); it is the truth. And the more people take it to heart, the happier we will be and the easier it will be to decide what are worth prioritizing and what can be relegated to the back when it comes to the choices we make.

When you think of yourself as a gift, you'll naturally expect to be treated well, to be treated carefully. Because you are a big deal.

Now that we're talking gifts, a lot of those boxed presents and be-ribboned blooms are being handed out this week (the entire month, actually, as Valentine's Day in the more commercialized locales is extended into a long money-making opportunity -- not being cynical here, just presenting a pragmatic perspective with which quite a number of entrepreneurs treat the occasion). Enjoy them! At the same time, choose wisely when it comes to invitations to celebrate a "Happy Hearts' Day". Choose what wisely? The person extending the invite, your ensemble, the activity, the venue, the decision (to accept or not to accept), everything. If you're the guy, let your inner gentleman come out if you've been keeping him in hiding. For some pointers to consider (and some entertaining reads), here are links worth checking out. It's Valentine Month, but I suggest not reading them with rose-colored glasses (read: take them in with eyes wide open):



Equal love is unequal love

On protecting your lady love

Putting the "Saint" back in Valentine's Day 

"Purity Ring 3000"

Of chastity, tattoos, and the Powerpuff Girls


P.S. Oh, parents, I think you will want to see this

Don't date a guy hoping you can fix him...

It does happen a lot, doesn't it?

"Don't date a guy hoping you can fix him and change him and rescue him and play the messiah, 'cause in those kinds of relationships, somebody changes and it's usually not the guy. It's usually the girl and it's changing for the worst."

Husband-and-wife team Jason and Crystalina Evert have authored a book titled How to find your soulmate without losing your soul. What's it about? They'll tell you what to expect in this short vid:






People like Jason and Crystalina have come to be considered non-conformist, given the way culture has evolved -- specifically, norms concerning interaction between men and women, relationships, and the way family and marriage have come to be regarded in media-saturated societies in the last couple of decades. And, this delightfully counter-cultural couple has included the Philippines in their tour this year, holding speaking engagements in Manila and Cebu from Sept. 5-7.

Now I know that being immersed in your professional work can get you to a point in which you feel you have no life at all outside of work. What about family? What about friends? What about a real social life? Where are all the good guys? Are my standards too high? Do I need to settle for what's available? Is real love a fairy tale? Decisions, decisions. Dilemmas, dilemmas. Well, head on to Camp Aguinaldo, Quezon City on Sept. 5 (Thursday) at 5:30 pm,  for The Path to Real Love: Better Together and listen to Jason and Crystalina tackle such concerns! It's going to be several hours well spent.

* For tickets and other details, contact 0917-312-5585, 0905-268-8493 or WeAreYup@gmail.com. You can also go to facebook.com/WeAreYup.


* Want to see another video? Jason talks with a small bunch of university students here

How you can help Typhoon Maring victims

The wet season in the Philippines is at this time of the year till around October or early November, and the past couple of days have been tough for hundreds of thousands of people in several parts of the country. Over a million have been affected by Typhoon Maring, says this news report. The evacuation centers in Marikina alone, one of the hardest hit areas, are taking care of over 25,000 people.

I've put together information on how you can help by way of relief goods or cash donations. This is a quickly put-together post so only a few initiatives are included -- those I've come across on Facebook or were mentioned by friends.

No amount of help is too small or too big! Any form of assistance counts!

See photos of the flooding here


Here is also something very important that you will want to consider when giving out relief supplies or when thinking of what items to donate --

INFANT FORMULA CAUSES MORE HARM THAN GOOD IN EMERGENCIES
Safely feeding an infant with formula requires 1) access to a constant supply of formula  2) access to clean water  3) access to heating implements (proper preparation of formula requires heating of water to a certain temperature)  4) ability to clean feeding implements.

As we know, evacuation centers are often crowded and have very limited water supply.  Any available water is likely to be contaminated.  Using this water to mix formula leads to diarrhea which in situations like this, often leads to death.

When infant formula is included in every relief pack given out, it is made available even to mothers who are successfully breastfeeding.  Why is this a problem? Mothers who are breastfeeding and displaced due to an emergency are often made to believe that the ‘stress’ from the emergency affects their ability to breastfeed; that their breast milk becomes insufficient and inadequate.  They then end up giving formula to their healthy breastfed child.  The truth is that breastfeeding is especially protective in disaster situations.  A mother’s breast milk will contain the same amount of calories, with the right proportion of protein and fat, regardless of the mother’s nutritional status.  With breastfeeding there is no need to provide water, so exposure to deadly bacteria and contaminants is avoided.

Read Protecting babies during emergencies: How the public can help

A diamond in the (digital) rough

Making social networking sites a regular part of your online life can have a tremendous impact on the course of your days -- for better or worse! There's a lot of garbage and also a lot of gems in there, and you'll somehow need to determine your priorities and decide what role these sites will play for you (if you'll make use of them at all) so as not to get lost and stuck in all that digital sludge.

Here's a "diamond in the rough," so to speak. Thanks to friends who have shared it on Facebook. I appreciate the straightforward and beautiful way Scott Hahn explored and explained the matter of the Eucharist. From his Facebook wall:

Question: Scott, I'm in a relationship with a girl who joins me at Mass on Saturdays, and we go to her Methodist church on Sundays. She asks why she cannot receive communion at my church, but I can at hers? How do I explain the difference?

Chris, I'm not sure if this will help your friend, but it's what I found to be useful, in reflecting on my own spiritual journey: I began as an evangelical bible-believing christian, and later became a protestant pastor, until my bible study and prayer led me to find the fullness of faith in the Catholic Church - the family of God the Father, and the Bride of His Son - and so I became a Catholic.

In the process, my view of the Eucharist (what it is and who should receive it) underwent development, in three stages:

1. As a bible-believing evangelical (at a non denominational fellowship), I saw the Lord's Supper and communion as a profound symbol of God's love, like a divine embrace or a warm hug.

2. In becoming a presbyterian minister, I came to see it as something even more sacred, like a tender loving kiss from our Lord, which is how most mainline protestants still think (e.g., Lutherans, Anglicans, Methodists).

3. Upon discovering the Catholic faith, I came to see how the gift of the Eucharist is more analogous to the intimacy of the marital act, by which Christ, the divine bridegroom, unites Himself to the Church, His beloved bride, for the purpose of consummating and renewing His 'one-flesh' covenant as a life-giving mystery with us (Eph 5:31-32).

So for me, in the first two stages, inviting 'non-members' to share communion was not a big deal nor an insurmountable problem. However, in the Catholic tradition, where it is seen as comparable to marital intimacy, it is fitting and necessary to make a public act and a personal commitment to identify myself with the Catholic Church, which I profess to be the true bride of Christ. Incidentally, this perspective is reflected in the Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraph 1617:

"The entire Christian life bears the mark of the spousal love of Christ and the Church. Already Baptism, the entry into the People of God, is a nuptial mystery; it is, so to speak, the nuptial bath, which precedes the wedding feast, the Eucharist. Christian marriage in its turn becomes an efficacious sign, the sacrament of the covenant of Christ and the Church. Since it signifies and communicates grace, marriage between baptized persons is a true sacrament of the New Covenant."

In retrospect, I see why non-catholics view our practice as a form of spiritual elitism; whereas for the Church Fathers, it's simply a matter of covenantal integrity and marital fidelity.

I hope this helps.

 

 

Two pages from the past

Borrowing a few old issues of Baby magazine from Petrufied led to a brief reminiscence. After poring over the pages, I recalled experiences which showed that being part of such a project was such a privilege. Charming babies aside, it was the aim to support, guide and inspire young parents (and entertain them along the way) that kept us grounded in our responsibility.

I haven't even bothered to count how many editorial notes I wrote in my four years at Baby, but even if just a handful of readers found any of them helpful in any way, I'm happy. Here are two of my favorites. The second one I remember well since a mother wrote us and said that she didn't even wait to get out of the bookstore to tear open the plastic wrap carrying the magazine, as the issue theme -- Babies with special needs -- was relevant to her family's circumstances. Was I touched to know that the note I wrote drove her to tears -- in a good way, I believe.

Reading both notes below -- written in 2011 and 2008, respectively -- made me realize they both dwell on that most important element in life: love. Well, what can I say? It does make the world go round as it is the essence of life for anyone who aims to live and not merely exist.

If you'd like a glimpse of the Beatles-inspired cover, here it is.

Finding love here, there & everywhere

When two of my US-based nieces were toddlers, their parents flew them over to spend six months with us Manila-based folks. During that time, one of the things that we occasionally did was sing together while someone accompanied the singing on the piano. Tammy and Michelle had a jolly good time every time, no matter what the songs or how off-key we got. But there were two songs that had the sisters rapt in attention whenever these were belted out. Michelle gazed in wonder as soon as she heard "Michelle, ma belle, these are words that go together well, my Michelle..." and sat, fascinated, sometimes bobbing her head, till the end. Tammy gave more or less the same reaction whenever we'd launch into an old Debbie Reynolds song (actually, it was my mom who knew it and the rest of us just sort of hummed along) called "Tammy," probably fascinated how her name figured into a "real" song.

Perhaps having their "very own song" sung to them felt like another manifestation of how the world revolved around them, which is somewhat how young children see life -- which is how each of us starts out till we gradually mature with the help of our parents into learning to adjust to the big world of which we are part. Dwelling on this memory now makes me think about love and how a person who believes the world revolves around him would find it difficult to love. Why? Because the essence of love is being other-centered, and what has a self-centered grownup to offer others if he is always absorbed in satisfying his own wants and needs? Sure, affection, understanding, laughter, gifts, sympathy, forgiveness -- these are elements that are part of the good relationships anyone (self-absorbed or not) maintains with loved ones. But genuine love is much more than that, and it's one thing to love when everything is smooth-sailing, and another to love during the times when it becomes difficult to do so.

I'm pretty sure we're addressing some real concerns in this issue that you parents have in mind. Responsible parenting has been an "explosive" issue lately and we hope our take on natural family planning in "Recipe for success: The Billings Ovulation Method -- What? Why? How?" (page 22) empowers you to know more about your fertility, understand yourself and your spouse, and see how God has wonderfully designed the human body and taken care of everything so that -- if we do our part -- even our health is protected when we let nature take its course. Also along the lines of good health are "The bedtime story: Is sex during pregnancy safe for mom and baby?" (page 24) and "A perfect (and healthy!) Valentine's date (page 28), both delving on crucial matters as well. Whether the situation with your spouse right now has you singing the Beatles' "All my loving," "Please please me," or "We can work it out," you're going to have to learn these matters sometime, so you can start right on our pages!

Now, if dealing with your in-laws has your musical radar reflecting the likes of "Help!" and "Give peace a chance," by all means sing your heart out! But do turn to page 57 while you're at it and be heartened by "Happy ever after... with your in-laws" and know that there is always a way to make things better.

Love starts out simple -- we are, after all, created to love -- but gets complicated along the way. However, since it's how much we've loved that matters in the end, shouldn't our days' soundtrack run along the lines of "...I don't care too much for money, money can't buy me love"? Then, amid the challenges with the spouse, the kids, the in-laws and everything in between, will you be able to sing "In my life, I've loved them all..."? 

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"Kahit ano, basta normal"

One of the punishments that come with watching interviews with celebrities on local television is listening to mundane questions, to which are often given just as mundane answers. Besides the standard "What's your wish for (celeb's name) on her birthday?" "Sino ang gusto mong maging leading man/woman?" and standard lines such as "Sana po panoorin n'yo ang (movie title), napakagandang pelikula," there's one line I'd been hearing for years that I always found strange, even as a 10-, 11-year-old. It's the title up there, which was the reply often given by pregnant or newlywed guests to hosts who had just asked "Ano'ng gusto mo, boy o girl?"

After hearing the answer, I'd always wonder, "Pa'no kung hindi normal, hindi niya mamahalin ang anak niya?"

Well, I think nobody on the verge of parenthood asks to be given a child with mental, physical or developmental disabilities (save for a handful of couples in the United States I have read about who have purposely selected babies with Down Syndrome for adoption, prompted by compassion and a desire to give more of themselves to the demands of parenthood), but I couldn't help but think -- even as a child -- that something was very wrong about making a declaration like "Kahit ano, basta normal" (and for the entire viewing public to hear at that). 

It's not that I was touchy about having  a sister who has Down Syndrome (DS). If I were, I probably wouldn't have grown up gleefully pointing out to her the little girl with DS on those Sesame Street episodes every time she appeared, or delightedly told my older siblings repeatedly that the girl hobnobbing with the muppets or Maria and Bob looked so much like our sister.

People with DS, autism, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), dyslexia, and several other conditions have come to be called "special needs" persons. "Special children" is how others refer to the little ones. Giftedness falls under the category of special needs as well because dealing with a gifted child does present with it unconventional situations that require special approaches and courses of action.

But then the human race isn't composed of automated robots; who, then, isn't special in one way or another? Some need lenses to read, others carry on with food allergies, a scoliotic condition or difficult pregnancies. There are those who deal with phobias, or have "photographic memories" or tower over the rest of the population at over 6 feet. Whether it's physical, mental or psychological, individual differences have always been there. It's only in our time that the term "special needs" came into vogue.

Also during our time, a lot of headway has been made in terms of research, evaluation and treatment. In this issue of Baby, you'll read accounts of families who have taken advantage of this wealth of information and other resources now at our disposal. We would've wanted to fill these pages with medical information and all there is to learn about special conditions. But I think what will have more of an impact are stories of real people who are experiencing the challenges of parenthood under special circumstances, how they're turning perceived obstacles into stepping stones, and what practical steps they've taken to address their particular situations.

Individual differences indeed we have. A person with special needs, however, such as those with conditions I've mentioned, carries in himself the same dignity as the next person. Being born with DS or autism or an extremely high IQ does not in any way diminish one's worth as a human being; being entrusted with a special-needs child can certainly increase a parent's capacity to love, sometimes even surpassing one's expectations. So, if you find yourself wondering (maybe lamenting?) why -- of all mothers -- a special child was given to you, it's possible it has something to do with love (lots of it) that you didn't know you had in you, a child who needs it in a way that only you can give.

* * * * *

"...the power to change a man's heart"

Ever wonder how the mere mention of "modesty" usually has people thinking of clothes? Modesty really goes beyond that but since we don't go around with our eyes shut, our reactions and judgments are often formed initially by what we see. So it's no surprise that when this virtue is discussed, a lot of it has to do with the kind of clothing we wear.

Jason Evert tackles this topic with humor when he talks about the power that women have over men-- no, he's not pitting men against women or fueling a battle between the sexes here, just giving straight talk on the wonderful differences between how men and women see fashion, and about love and life in general. Jason was in the Philippines in 2011 for the Real Love Revolution event and he'll be back this year, this time with his wife Crystalina! Mark September 7 on your date book!

Here's an excerpt from one of Jason's gigs in Manila.






You can view another video of Jason talking with a group of guys and girls in a previous post

Get the details of Real Love Revolution 2013 at the Catalyst website

More inspiration for our times

Today, June 26, is the feast day of a holy man, one who spent his life guiding numerous men and women on the road of spiritual progress and helping them realize that heaven is not some unreachable goal but a destination meant for everyone who strives to live each moment and do each duty with Love.

Among the many words from him:

"Before God, no occupation is in itself great or small. Everything gains the value of the Love with which it is done."

"The fruit of our prayer today should be the conviction that our journey on earth, at all times and whatever the circumstances, is for God."

"Don't judge without having heard both sides. Even persons who think themselves virtuous very easily forget this elementary rule of prudence."

  
His writings are here